i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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