remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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