haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
