He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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