What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
