I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
