I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
