Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
