seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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