so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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