the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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