This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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