she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
