Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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