I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You've changed since you got that strap on
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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