Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
