But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
