So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
