And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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