We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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