I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
