There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
