don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize