I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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