I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
