that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
