so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
