tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
