i would punch a child for taco bell
we made out on top of his cat.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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