Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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