Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just pynch a tree in the face
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
