We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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