I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
