He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
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Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
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Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize