I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
