Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
