I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
