So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
