I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
