Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
