tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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