allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
