ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
