This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
