Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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