Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
