so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
