You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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