Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
