marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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