Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
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i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
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It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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