No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
