and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize