She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
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Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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