the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i've created a new STD.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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