we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
