i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
