Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
