Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
