And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize