You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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